Navigating Emotional Patterns for Deeper Connections
T Harv Ekker, one of my revered mentors has a phrase he always uses – How you do one thing is how you do everything!
The impact of our early years, can easily affect everything in our lives – at the Well Being Concierge we refer to this as the three bothers. No where else is our relationship with our inner child more visible than in these three manifestations.
Relationships, Health and Money, when either one, two or all of these three are not going well, we tend to feel deep unease. There are various names used to describe the extend of the unease in each. In relationships we might say there is conflict, in Health – disease, and in Wealth – Debt. This is why we refer to them as the three bothers. Our relationship with our inner child has a large effect on the three bothers.
In today’s blog we are focusing on how our inner child affects relationships, we shall be exploring:
- What part relationships play in our overall wellbeing.
- How we learn to relate with others.
- How to discover yourself and have better relationships
Relationships are the bedrock of human connection. Whether it is a relationship with our ourself (the most important relationship) significant other, our parents, our siblings, our neighbours or our boss. The quality of our relationships seem to significantly affect the quality of our lives.
The Value of relationships in our lives.
We are Human beings, we are social creatures.
One of the ways we distinguish ourselves with the rest of the animal kingdom and how we seem to have evolved as the ‘superior’ creature though weaker than almost every animal in the wild that was trying to eat us, was because we were able to form communities and from these communities we were able to navigate the dangers around us.
In Nguzo, our teachings at the wellbeing concierge, Nguzo means Pillar. There are 4 pillars that make up our inner being. One of these deals with our ability to form and co exist within community. We refer to this Nguzo as Mawasiliano, The Communicative Manifester. In my book Nguzo, A Self Aware Woman’s Path, Mawasiliano is powerful in effective communication as well as in manifesting our desires and creating meaningful connections with those around us. From this we can almost conclude that there is something basic in us that drives us to build connection with those around us.
What part do relationships play in our overall wellbeing?
Imagine this, you wake up and you feel alone. You cannot silence your inner chatter. Nothing seems to be going well, despite having all the money you ever wanted. Something just feels off, though you cannot put your finger on it. People have literally died from loneliness.
When our inner world is settled and calm, when our external relationships are going well and when we have people who are close to us that we can relate with, our lives seem to take on a level of great happiness, even joy. It may seem we are walking on clouds. On the flip side when we are struggling with our relationships, it can bring great sadness and loneliness.
But how do we master Mawasiliano (The Communicative Manifestor). It has been proven that one’s ability to win friends and influence people, is directly related to one’s ability to manifest a happy, even wealthy and healthy life. If being able to build strong connections is so important, what is usually holding us back.
How do we learn to relate with others.
So how do we learn to relate to others? How does understanding Your Inner Child, Guide you to Better Relationships and Self-Discovery?
The primary way we learn to relate with others is through those who have gone before us, our guardians. It can be by observing how our parents or the people that bring us up relate to each other and most importantly how safe we feel when we relate with them. Close relationships to those we relate with most, make us feel seen and cared for. When we are young we learn to build secure relationships through observing and being part of these secure relationships with our primary care givers. This in turn helps us form a secure relationship with ourself. The inner child in us forms a secure attachment or an unsecure attachment. Our inner child feels loveable, worthy and can cope with most challenges life throughs at it.
Who is the Inner Child?
The inner child is that part in us that influences how we think and how we react to the life around us as adults. A mirror of our present reality seen through the lens of our past child, usually up to the age of between 7-10. If something significant, significant to the eyes of the child, happens around this age, the inner child makes a ‘vow’ to protect itself, so that it might not feel this pain ever again.
A secure inner child is able to bring out our playful nature, and lets us navigate our adult life without seeing danger all around us. An unsecure inner child sees suspicion all around and finds it difficult to let things go as a way to control what might happen in the future. We refer to this as a ‘Stuck’ inner child. In other words, rather than trust our intuition and judgement, our inner being, our inner child takes charge. It is a kin to your physical child being in charge in your home, rather than the parents. What we see happen is chaos, as the child is not capable of fully taking care of the home.
How does this show us in our relationship with others?
A boss who is in a bad mood and is dealing with their own issues, to the inner child might mean, the Boss thinks am not good enough. This means the person starts doubting themselves and what they are capable of and even doubting their self worth. They might internalise this and start getting stressed, or externalise it and have ‘words’ with the boss, or walk out after sometime. What we do not realise is anytime this happens in different places of work, the inner child will take over and more or less repeat the same pattern. This ends up holding the person back in their career.
On the other hand a secure inner child would see it for what it is, the boss is human and might just need some TLC – they might instead let the harsh words go and focus on the good qualities of the boss. This is not to say there are never reasons to change one’s job – this will be explored in a later blog, where we look at the effect of our thoughts and emotions and how to use these to discern a situation.
Conclusion:
Embracing Your Inner Child for Fulfilling Relationships
In conclusion, understanding the role of your inner child in shaping your relationships is key to unlocking deeper connections and self-discovery. As we’ve explored, our early experiences profoundly influence how we relate to others and ourselves. By acknowledging and healing our inner child, we can break free from patterns of insecurity and fear, and instead cultivate trust, resilience, and authenticity in our interactions.
At the WellBeing Concierge, we’re committed to guiding you on this transformative journey. Our holistic approach integrates principles from Nguzo, emphasizing the importance of effective communication, resilience, self-awareness, and community building. Through workshops, coaching, and supportive programs, we empower women facing difficult situation to embrace their inner child with compassion and courage. Join us in supporting these women by giving to our work.
Ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and deeper connections? Book a strategy session with us today and take the first step towards a more fulfilling life. Let’s nurture your inner child together and create lasting joy and harmony in your relationships.
Further reading on the inner child:
Healing Your Inner Child by Eliana Wise is a life coach with a background in psychology and philosophy. Her book, which entailed Ending Toxic Relationships (self Love workbook), is a one-time stop to read.
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